Floyd Fox

Hey blue boy been little over year since you went to see  the rest of your family that has pass before you, you know first time i been back on here. and it really hard to go through it again.really miss you i dont think Donald could look at this site, he really has hard time missing you and so does Roscoe. well everyone does but those two really still down about you .sure wish you was here and maybe we could go fishing again love James.

Now I have had some time to think, since I left Curt.  I am here in your house without you or mom.  I can't stand it.  I wake up in the middle of the night looking for you, thinking you will be sittin at the table drinkin coffee with mom.  This can't be the way things end...You had such a hard life with mom being sick then you couldn't even enjoy your own.  My childhood is haunted with memories of dr's hospitals, cops coming for mom, all the bad things she did when she was sick.

 

This just can't be the way things end...I don't even know if I made you proud of me or not.

Hi Dad, I love you.  I wish I could talk to you right now.  I sure am having a hard time with Mom.  Can you put in a request for God to look over her and maybe send her a little angel to keep an eye on her? She's awful sad right now.  I don't know what to do to help.  We sure do miss you.  When I go over to mow, I can just see you sitting in your chair looking out over the hills.  I can still smell you sometimes like when i smell your shirts.  They are still hanging in the closet. I feel like my heart is shattered, I need my mom and dad so bad. How much heartbreak can one person take at one time? I love you dad.  Here's a picture of the new flowers we made for you.  Mom & I put them on today.

 

Happy Father's Day Dad...

I miss you. 

 

Hi dad...We just got home from Florida a couple days ago. I thought I was going to run away and forget about things.  I found out you can't run.  It was the first time I had seen the ocean and didn't get to tell you about it.  I know there will be a lot of things that I have never done without you, but that doesn't make it any easier to go through.

 

I was in the gulf up to my chest and the waves were rolling in and all I could think about was you.  When I was little and you used to tell me to jump when they came. I was in the gulf crying by myself.  I would look out to the open water and look back to the shore and all the people and chaos of life and all I could think was "I don't want to go back.  I want to know where you are.  I want to be with you, Dad."  I went through the shops and would see the hats like I used to bring back to you and almost break down in there. I would always call you and you would say "how was Atlanta when you went through?" or "how's the weather there today? I bet you're gettin' brown as a burry" It's sad that I forgot all these details for so long, but I remember them now after you're already gone. 

 

Father's day is coming up and I don't know what I'll do.  I guess think about you and cry.  I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and I wish I could just hug you one last time. I miss you daddy...

 

Hi dad,

Today was the first Mother's Day I had mom and not you.  When I got there today Uncle James and Aunt Gale were there.  It was like looking at you, Uncle James looks so much like you. It was like looking at you.

Hi dad, I know you are in heaven and you can hear me and keep watch over us.  I really need your help with mom.  She's grieving awful bad over you dad and she seems to be getting worse...I need an angel to watch over her. Please send us some love and kisses from heaven.  I'm not ready to lose her too.  I miss you everyday.  I love you.

Well dad, Mom is finally starting to grieve some, at least in front of me. She is so lonesome without you and plus she's up there in that old nursing home by herself.  I feel so sorry for her.  She loves you so much. I am worried mom will grieve herself to death over you.  She's not doing too good right now.  I wish I had you both back home healthy and happy.  i mean you both have had a hard life and fought to stay together despite the disease and people saying your needed to split up.  I know now how much you really loved mommy.  You had to love her more than anything in the world to stay with her through all those hard times.  You never stopped loving her no matter what happened.

 

I feel like I am falling apart inside.  I miss you so bad.

Hi dad, i mowed your lawn real pretty today.  I weed-eated and everything. I promise to take good care of it for you.  Marge had to help me start the weed eater though.  I am sure learning a lot about mowing and taking care of a yard.  It looks nice.  We gave the ugly plant at the end of the driveway a haircut too.  Marge said it would grow back real pretty if we cut it down some.  I'm gonna pick up about six of those solar light to put around the front. 

I got all your pajamas to start a new project.  you have about a million pairs.  I am gonna make me a dad quilt out of your pj's.  I got a sewing machine a couple weeks ago and I am gonna fire it up.  That way it can feel like you're holding me all the time...

I love you very much...

Miss 

Hi dad, yesterday I stopped by Miami Market to get a pop.  As I was walking in i saw they have ale-8.

I was so excited! So I get in your truck and that song Remember When by Alan Jackson was on.  i have your picture hanging from the rear view mirror.  So I tapped the ale-8 to your picture and went over the 131 hill drinking an ale-8 with you.  I miss you dad.  I may not have been the best daughter and i may not have come seen you as much as I should have, but knowing you're not there is killing me on the inside. 

 

I  can't share any memories yet, I am still hurting so bad.  I miss my dad.  He's left me and I can't touch him or see him, hug him or nothing ever again.  My heart feels like someone has ripped it out.  I am so numb.  I feel like I can't love anyone or anything right now.  How can you replace your dad?

 

How can I ever remember the things we did when it hurts so bad to think of them.  Or at least it hurts to know I can't make anymore memories with him, or mom either for that matter.  I feel like I am falling apart inside.  I find myself denying him being gone, or ignoring it.  Then everything floods back and I fall appart again.  how many tears til I just run out??  I am in total mental agony with losing you dad and my poor sick little mommy is so pitiful.  I just need someone to hold me and let me cry forever because that's how long the pain is going to last. how can both of your parents who took care of you just be gone in a moment?  i have lost both of them in the matter of a few months.  Mom is a very sick woman.  God love her, her little brain is going to eventually deteriorate to the point where it no longer sends signals to the heart to beat, or something else will get the wrong signal and kill her.  Dementia basically slowly destroys your brain. 

 

What am I supposed to do with no parents??????????!!!?